To lose is to find
by Ejes
Summary: In this place, to find is to lose, and to lose is to find. Worried that this might apply to them too, Larxene makes sure she remembers everything on a daily basis, because her memories are all she has left. But how do you know if you forgot something, if you cannot remember what it is...?


**_A wonderful morning/day/evening/night to y'all! I am posting a fic involving Aqua, so of course I needed to write something starring another one of my best girls! I don't know if after 6 months I still need to say this, but this fic is KH3 spoiler free :) You might wanna know khux's story, though..._**

**_Enjoy!_**

* * *

_Just use the key, and this land will be transformed. From that day forward, all who visit this land will be lost to oblivion, none ever able to solve the mystery. None, Aqua, except you._

* * *

Unaware of these words uttered from one Master to another a decade ago, the group of strangers stepped into the Castle.

They were five, black-coated figures contrasting with the pure white of the place, their hoods still up to protect them from the Darkness around. Ironic, given _they_ were darkness.

"I guess this will be our new home for a while, whispered one of them, letting his hood down as the door closed behind them. Lustrous pink hair flowed around his head. Marluxia.

"I see whoever lived here before didn't really have a thing for furnitures," the only woman of the group, Larxene, noted.

"Consider yourself lucky this place is empty," sighed Vexen as he moved forward. He had no time to lose talking. He never had.

"Is it true, what they said?" Zexion shook his head, looking at the place with his only valid eye - not that the other was blind, it was just covered by a way too long lock of hair. "That this place can make one lose some memories?"

"That's the whole point, duh." Larxene rolled her eyes. "Were you even paying attention to Xemnas's speech?"

"As if you were." She glared at Lexaeus but didn't reply. She didn't want to be crushed by this living mountain.

"It appears so." Marluxia was as always the polite one, a fake smile plastered on his face as he explained. "We sent Demyx here for a whole week-"

"Now that's what I called vacations," Larxene snorted.

"-and when he came back, he confessed having forgotten quite a lot of things, mostly about his past. The older the memory, the most likely it is to vanish."

"We need to be careful," Lexaeus said.

"We need to be quick," Vexen replied. "Two days of setting up. Marluxia brings the keyblade wielder here in three days. In four days, we'll all be back to the Castle, having perhaps forgotten the name of our first pet, but nothing more."

"Bubbles," muttered Ienzo, thinking no one would hear him. Lexaeus allowed the tiniest of smiles on his face. He heard, and he remembered.

"Are you all going to spend all day standing here talking, or should we get moving?" Vexen looked annoy - but that's how he always looked. "I need to work on my puppets, and Xemnas will be bringing the witch by tomorrow morning. We'd better be ready by then."

"Sure, sure, we don't want the big boss to be grumpy, now, do we?" Larxene sighed dramatically, and Marluxia smirked. All the others hurried to explore the place, set things up and start working, leaving the two newest members alone in this big, empty hall.

"I don't want to forget anything," Larxene said, her shoulders collapsing as soon as they were alone. "I don't mind forgetting the present, but the past is all we have."

"Relax. You heard Vexen. Perhaps you'll forget about your Spirit, but that's it."

"But I don't even want to forget about Otterton! Do you have _any idea_ how hard I worked to get his fancy little hat?"

"El…"

"And what if we forget about these things too? Why you call me El? Why we are here? What if we forget about the plan? What if we forget about Strel-"

"Silence."

She had gone too far and she knew it. She lowered her head, angry at herself. "Sorry."

"I don't think this place would make us forget _years_ of our lives. Demyx said some memories were fuzzy in his mind, that he couldn't remember what job he had before and things like that. But our childhood _is_ the reason we're here. Strelitzia _is_ the reason we're friends. And we worked on this plan for months. We won't forget any of this."

"Right. We find the key kid, we let him take everyone down, we use his powers to find the other dandelions."

"See? You've got it all memorized." Marluxia smiled and patted her head, and she pushed him away with a laugh.

"Axel will sue you for this, you know? Now let's get to work, handsome. Our friends aren't going to save themselves."

They both set aside the possibility that their friends might not have survived. Now that was a thought they wouldn't mind forgetting.

* * *

When morning came, Larxene tried to list all that she remembered. Otterton and his silly hat. The fountain plaza where she collected all the munnies people threw in the water as they made a wish. The origin of the scar on her ribs, which was not a battle scar as she always told everyone but just from when she fell riding a bike. Good. She had not forgotten anything yet.

* * *

"I'll get my coffee darker than your soul, thanks." she said as she stepped into the kitchen. The coffee machine had been her only request when she was told she'd be sent here. She had brought a bag full of books, ready to be bored out of her mind, and carried one with her as she walked in. Marluxia sighed and nodded towards a cup of steaming coffee on the table. She beamed at him.

"Now that's how I like my boys, always a step ahead!"

"Stop saying these kind of confusing things. One day they'll really believe something is happening between us and this will be a hassle."

"It would take a heart for that anyway, so no worries, you're safe." She winked at him and sat by his side.

"You're in a good mood." He said after a while. She nodded.

"I am. This Castle still didn't get the best of me. I still remember everything." She looked so proud he chuckled.

"El, it's only been twelve hours. Of course you still remember everything."

They were interrupted by Zexion who walked in with the haunted gaze of someone who had a terrible night.

"Had pleasant dreams, Zexion?" Larxene teased with a smirk. She liked nothing better than morning agressions. The worse their days started, the better hers did.

"I just wish this Castle worked a bit faster to erase our memories. There are some I wouldn't mind getting rid of."

"See?" Marluxia took a sip of coffee. "Only twelve hours. Told you so."

"What about you, though? Do you still remember everything?"

She knew it was a delicate topic now that Zexion was around, but she still stared at her partner in crime with suspicious eyes. He rolled his eyes.

"Of course I do. Now don't make me regret I remember you, be quiet and drink in silence."

"Yes Dad…" She pretended to pout, turning back to her drink and opening her book.

"The Superior comes today."

"Stop calling him that, Zexion. His ego will get so big he will need two portals at a time to travel." She snorted at her joke, picturing the scene in his mind.

"You'd better watch that attitude, Larxene." She frowned as Vexen walked in. "Lord Xemnas will not be pleased to hear you say such things about him."

"Oh, come on, he heard worse. I guess."

"Did you finish setting up your lab, Vexen?" Marluxia asked, more of politeness than of interest. It was too early to hear Larxene bickering with everyone.

"I did, not that you really care," the scientist answered with his usual contempt. "The puppet I made is almost ready. All that's missing is what the witch can give us."

"Let us hope that her powers are real, then," Zexion whispered, which caused Vexen to frown.

"Well, Lord Xemnas sounded quite certain of that. It might be in your interest to not doubt his words… At least so publicly."

"He's here."

Everyone started at Lexaeus's words. No one had realised the tall man was here with them.

"How can you be so big and yet so unnoticeable?" Larxene asked, staring at him. He didn't answer, but Marluxia did.

"The same way you are so tiny and yet so noisy. Let's go."

* * *

Xemnas was waiting for them at the main door, accompanied by a little girl with big, round, innocent blue eyes. The whole Castle crew stared at her blankly.

"She's a child," Zexion noted.

"Will that be an issue?" Xemnas asked with his deep voice. He didn't even look like he was paying attention to them. His eyes were scouring the hall, as if looking for something.

"So what are we, babysitters? That wasn't in the job description, Xemnas."

"It's okay, Larxene. She's not really a child, remember? She's just a witch." _A tool for our plan_, he didn't add, and yet she still heard. A long time ago, his words would have sent shivers down her spine. Now she barely blinked. Losing one's heart did such things to one's mind.

"What's her name?" Lexaeus asked, much to everyone's surprise. That was unexpected of him to care.

"I'm Naminé." So she could talk. Ienzo and Larxene had already lost their interest. Marluxia was studying her, thinking about how she could fit into their plan. Vexen thoughts were back to his puppet already.

"And what about her abilities? The ones you told us about? Could you test them?"

"I have a strong connection with Sora's heart, especially about the memories stored in them. Right now, I can feel them, and I can see some of them. He is too far away for me to be able to alter them, but if he gets closer I will be able to rearrange them, and even to extract some of them."

"How do you know you can do that, if you never tried?"

"How did you know you could breathe, the very first time?"

Larxene gritted her teeth. Castle Oblivion or not, she would not forget this insolence.

"This powers she has, do they only work on Sora?"

Naminé thought for a while before answering. "I think they only work with those connected to him. By altering his chain of memories, any chain connected to his - anyone sharing this memory, will be affected. But this only works with memories where Sora is involved, yes."

"Can she create fake memories too?" Marluxia was becoming slightly interested in her, and Larxene could almost hear the gears grinding in his mind.

"I think I can… But it's easier to alter existing memories than creating brand new ones."

"I expect you can use her abilities to their full capacities," Xemnas said. "Do not disappoint me."

"We won't," Marluxia answered, his head low. Larxene balled her fists. Even though she knew it was only a game of pretend, she never bowed to anyone. Her pride wouldn't let her. She ended up in this Organization because her life had been a succession of sufferings. Bowing would be disregarding all this pain accumulated throughout the years. It would be disrespecting all the friends she lost along the way. So instead she glared at Xemnas, and he didn't even spare her a single look, turning back and leaving the castle, leaving Naminé behind.

"Alright, back to work, everyone," Vexen said, clapping his hands. "You," he pointed at Naminé, "come with me. You too, Zexion. We still have a long day ahead of us."

"Are you hungry?" Lexaeus asked Naminé. Surprised, she shook her head. "Okay. On your way to the labs, Vexen will show you were the kitchen is."

"What a delightful idea, Lexaeus!" Larxene squealed. "Maybe we could even make some tea, and enjoy a few handmade sandwiches? Oh, and when the time comes to go to bed, how about you tuck her safe into her bed and tell her a nice little story? Would you rather have eggs or toast for breakfast, honey?" Before Naminé could even answer, Larxene snapped. "She's not our bloody guest, Lexaeus. She's here to work. She'll eat when we decide she does, and she will sleep when we decide she's of no use anymore for the day. This isn't a nursery." She turned back, leaving the room. She had things to do as well.

* * *

"Not in such a good mood anymore, I take?"

She barely even reacted when Marluxia stepped in.

"I'm not in a bad mood, if that's what you're asking. But it's best for everyone to realise she won't be treated as a delicate princess here. If anything, she's our prisoner."

"Of course not."

"No?" Larxene asked, remotely interested. She was busy setting up the huge crystal ball they would use to monitor all that was happening inside the Castle.

"She's our way out." She heard him chuckle, and that brought a smile to her lips. She stopped what she was doing to glance at him.

"So you _were_ planning something. You had that scheming face, earlier. A wonder Xemnas never noticed."

"We could use her to control Sora. He will destroy everyone here, _but us_, and she will create memories in him that will push him to destroy the ones in the other Castle as well."

"That plan needs to be worked on a bit more, but I like the idea. A coup where Xemnas where never suspects us. That's smart. We might even pretend we were killed too so that he'd let his guard down."

He smiled at her. "Partner in crime?"

"Partner in crime," she smiled back.

When dinner came, Naminé was seated in the corner of a room. She now had a notepad and crayons, and even though no one said were it came from, they all suspected Lexaeus. Despite how silent and scary he was, it was no big news that he just couldn't be harsh to children.

"Larxene, your plate. Larxene? El. Plate." Marluxia was on the cleaning dishes chore tonight. Larxene handed him her dirty plate, frowning as he used her nickname in public, even though she had been spacing out before he used it.

"Now that I think of it, you do call her that sometimes," Zexion said, thoughtful. She winced. Of course the nosy brat would pay attention to such things. "What does the El stand for?"

She stared at him, dubious. "Really? Like, that's a real question? You're the Organization little genius, Vexen's pride, and you can't figure this out by yourself?"

"He's not my-"

"My name's Larxene, smart boy. Starts with an L? El? Or are you just good with numbers?"

"Oh, is that all? I just thought there was more to that."

She snorted, shaking his head. She sometimes wondered how he could be so smart and yet so dumb. She didn't like Marluxia to use her nickname in public, but it was no state secret either.

"Time to go to bed, boys," she sighed. "Get your brains and muscles ready. Tomorrow's the big day. Think you'll be able to bring the right kid, Marluxia? We wouldn't want you to bring us a random little boy who will be of no use to us."

"Of course." He rolled her eyes. "Make sure _you_ get plenty of sleep so that you cannot use that as an excuse when you lose against him."

She gave him the finger, stood up and glared at Naminé. "You'd better play your part as we told you to, if you don't want _bad_ things to happen to you. Trust me, you don't want me to be in a foul mood." And on these words, she left the room.

* * *

Despite Marluxia's advice, she could barely sleep that night. Something felt wrong, even though she couldn't tell what. She felt even more hollow than before. _Maybe it's just that I know things are going to change_, she thought. _Our plan will come true and we will finally be free again. Meeting him is the only good thing this Organization brought_. On these thoughts that she'd rather die than to confess out loud, she managed to close her eyes a little. When she opened them again, she remembered what that Castle was supposed to be about.

But she remembered things very clearly. She remembered the first time she wore the coat. She remembered how she hated Demyx the first time she saw him. She remembered how she was glad she had met Marluxia, and how she thought they would have been great friends if they had met as kids.

What she didn't remember, though, was why she had put a bouquet of dandelions on her nightstand. She remembered being the one putting them here, as they moved in, because it was a touch of colour in this monochrome room, and she knew she liked yellow. But dandelions? She could have taken sunflowers, at least. Or daffodils. She probably had picken them before her morning coffee - she never thought very clearly before breakfast.

She stretched, put her coat on and left for the kitchen, and managed to see Marluxia on his way out.

"Turns out Demyx was a weakling. Probably pretended to forget things so that he'd sound interesting for once. I still remember everything."

Marluxia chuckled and nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised. The only memory that will be altered here will be Sora's." He sighed, bemused. "I cannot wait for him to play his part. I must say I am jealous he can wield a Keyblade. I wonder what it feels like."

"Sure, sure, once his job is done, we'll get you a pretty little one. We'll even steal Roxas's for you, if you'd like. But for now, make sure you pick up the right kid and be back before noon or I'll tell Xemnas the Lord of Castle Oblivion is slacking off!"

Larxene watched him go as he vanished through the black portal. Her chest felt hollow. She shook her head, chasing the idea from her mind.

"In this place, to find is to lose, and to lose is to find," she said, whispering the lines they had repeated together.

She drank her coffee, unaware that time outside the Castle flowed at a different pace than within, unaware that she had lost more than she thought, and, most importantly, unaware that her chain of memories was getting weaker every second.

* * *

_**We learn so much in here! Larxene's spirit was called Otterton, as you can guess he was an otter (mine's a cat, btw! What's yours?), and we even learn Zexion's first pet name! Careful Zexion, this might be your security question for password recovery, you don't wanna tell everyone!**_

_**I wonder if Castle Oblivion played with everyone's memories? At first I thought it was only because of Naminé, but Master Eraqus seemed to be saying otherwise...**_

_**Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a review if you did!**_


End file.
